Grief.
I've always related to animals more than humans. And I've always experienced grief very heavily, which isn't really a good combination when your best friends only live for a short time.
I once saw a dog get hit by a car, and it was the most horrible and traumatic thing I've ever witnessed, which is saying a lot. I felt it happen, and I made a noise no one would recognize as human. Then I ran out of my own car and rushed to the owner's side, where I felt the animal die. The experience shook me in ways I can't describe. I still can't think about it for long.
I know there are people who don't have pets, who don't empathize with animals, who don't consider them valuable or important. These are people I can't relate to. I can't fully explain the connection, but there's something overwhelmingly genuine and fulfilling about my relationships with animals. At it's very best, the bond is based entirely on love and making one another happy--the more you give, the more you get.
I enjoy giving a lot. I like watching the animals in my life thrive and grow with attention and care. Their devotion is tangible, they bring great happiness to our lives, and a lot of love goes into that connection. So when it's suddenly severed, it hurts a lot.
We both prepared for it, but couldn't really anticipate the effects. More than any other animal I've had, she was our child, our family. And even though we've passed the societally allotted grief phase, the emptiness is still there. How can you love someone so much and one day they're just not there anymore? Where is that love supposed to go?
I draw no conclusions, and I have no point. I just wanted to say that grief is hard.
1 comments:
I dont know you, nor do you know me, but it is very obvious we share the same viewpoint of what animals can and will do for us.
But when they leave us, the grieving part can be a bit tough. I wrote the following words of my experience of taking my beautiful Alaskan Malamute to the Rainbow Bridge.
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An insight to a very tough decision I had to make recently for a loved one, and if anyone’s been through it, then they understand where I was coming from.
It was the response from those who didn’t, or hadn’t ever felt it which made me decide to post it. I received many kudos for something “well written”, “well said” and what a great writer I am……
No people…..
I just wrote this from my heart. JB
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It's never an easy decision to make, or an easy thing to do, but animals rely on us their whole lives to make decisions for them, looking out for their best interest, and that is what we need to do.
It is the single most important decision we will ever make for them.
Although, it wasn’t easy making that decision for Chaya, I have to remember she was also 3 hours away from being put to sleep 7 YEARS AGO when I rescued her, so I know I added 7 QUALITY YEARS TO HER LIFE, which is what makes me smile during this time of grieving.
RIP Chaya, as I love you and will never forget you, as you where one special dog, who always showed me the appreciation for you're extended stay on earth.
I remember bringing her home, and she bounced around the room with eyes flashing and ears flopping, just happy to be alive. (Hence her name, Chaya means "to be alive" in Hebrew)
When I would get home from work or anywhere, she would be waiting for me with her tail wagging and give me some of her RRRRooooooo's, just to say, "Welcome home. I missed you." She never asked for anything more than for me to pat her head so she could go to sleep with her head over my leg. As she got older, she moved around more slowly. Then, one day last week, old age finally took its toll, and she couldn't get up or stand on her wobbly legs anymore. I knelt down and patted her, crying and trying to make her young again. She just looked up at me as if to say she was old and tired and that after all these years of not asking for anything, nothing …..She had to ask me for one last favor.
Let her go with her dignity...
With tears in my eyes, I drove her one last time to the vet in my truck. I stopped under a tree in the shade near the river, and got into the back with her, and held her. We spooned for a good 10 minutes. One last time, she was lying next to me. We had to load her out of the truck onto a stretcher, but when nearing the door, she wanted off, so we put her down. For some strange reason, she was able to stand up. My jar dropped…
She walked over to a bush, did her thing and then she walked herself into the office. Perhaps it was her sense of pride, not sure, but it was a great thing for me to see her like that at the time.
As we where laying on the floor in the exam room, waiting for the vet, and reminiscing about our times together, she was telling me to stop crying and to "man up" and quit being a baby, things where going to be okay. That made me smile...
Well okay then Chaya Renee', lets go for a walk pretty girl.
When it was time, and we got to the bridge, and we could both see the rainbow on the other side, she lifted her head and looked at me as if to say,
"Thank you for taking care of me Bushey, you rock!"
I just looked right back at her and thought…
"No Chaya... thank you for taking care of me”...
No matter how much I miss her, and struggle with her being gone right now, I am comforted by the fact that she has rejoined her mentor and best buddy Mogul for eternity!
Just thought some of you would want to know, thanks for you're time.
JB
7/28/08
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